Hello, how are you doing? I only start with pleasantries because it’s been a month since I posted anything on my site. Sorry.
In fact, I haven’t posted since last year, if you’re being pedantic.
For those of you who like to pay attention to detail, I have changed the layout of my site because I like to change things often. That’s just the way it goes, baby!
In all seriousness, I wanted to add different elements to this site and help it become more…me. So this may not even be my final form! And also, if you are reading this from the archives, my site might look way different to how it does as of 03/01/20. Maybe I could upload this version to the Wayback Machine for all future-heads to see.
I’m getting side-tracked, but what’s new?
In my last post, I revealed that I had managed to land myself a little job. To clarify for those who don’t know, I am an Office Assistant for a hotel management company based in London. This job is an apprenticeship in Business Administration at Level 3, which is equivalent to an A-Level. I go to college once a month but work full-time for about a £16k salary.
Now I have the honour of saying that I am employed, Post-Uni Lifestyle will not be released in the same format. Instead of posts about job searching and dealing with the struggles of unemployment, I will be documenting my experiences within my first full-time role out of university and talking about the struggles of employment. Actually, that’s not too different if you think about it. Plus, I’m still bringing the same energy, with a bit more pep!
I’ll let you have a bit of my experience so far since you have / haven’t been waiting in tense anticipation. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope I don’t sound really whiny. I hate being whine-central.
Ah, I found a way to whine about whining. I need to sort out my priorities. Ron Weasley is speaking to my soul right now.
Back on track, my first few weeks of being an apprentice, abridged for your comfort. It’ll probably still be too long. *sigh*
The Road So Far…
My first week was probably the most difficult because I started a lot quicker than I’d expected, so I didn’t have time to address the idea that I’d actually got a job. Unfortunately, the usual stress paired with the sudden onslaught of employment meant I was ill for quite a while. At first it was just a cold, but then it spread into a very sore throat and a blocked ear, which I later found out was due to infection. I was thinking it was the end, or at least that I would be sick forever, lose my hearing and die a horrible flu-y death, but that turned out not to be the case.
I think the main issue with week one is that on the second day, I had to go to the doctor’s because – surprise surprise, I contracted an eye infection! I know such beautiful imagery you’re getting! Just imagine how I must have felt looking at it and struggling with it for the next couple days. I think I have a new record for infections contracted at the same time – three. How am I actually alive?
I didn’t recover in a week or two like most people. Because I was stressed, lost and unsure of all of my life choices up to this point, I was sick for about a month. My cold/flu lasted around three and a half weeks and the ear infection lasted about four weeks. I felt like crap physically for a month, which meant there was a mental struggle too.
Give Up?
I had to fight against my instinctive response to give up and run away from things that get too hard. There were quite a few times I felt like noping out of being a contributing member to society. The main thing that stopped me was the position I would be throwing myself back into – unemployment. I would have to vie for the attention of employers once again, with the added pressure of telling them why I left my last job. All that I would have worked for, all the efforts that the people around me had put into helping my sorry self, would have all been for nowt.
“My friends and family have supported me for long enough, I have to support myself and not burden them again.”
And so I kept with it, even though I had negative thoughts cutting me off from the path of contentment.
Even though I’ve had moments of panic and embarrassment for feeling so useless.
Even though I had a horrible phone call that destroyed my mood and made me feel worse than I had in a long time.
Even though some parts of my job are incredibly boring.
Even though I never get any sleep.
Even though I feel awkward and out of place every time I walk into the building, I still keep going.
Reflection
I’m in a precarious position; I like the idea of being in work and sometimes I find what I do to be rewarding. But I also know that I gave up an opportunity to gain technical skills, get paid more and work closer to home. Also, I don’t think I would be given as much busy work to do.
Scratch that – this whole job is busy work.
I order milk, stationery and kitchen supplies. I put up and take down seasonal decorations. I clear up after events. I send reminder emails.
I thought I would be okay with the idea of easing myself into the world of work with a job that should be relatively simple. The hardest part of my job is answering the phones, where weird problems crop up, including my difficulty with interpreting language. I ask everyone to repeat themselves and I feel like a douche for it.
Reading back over my diary entries (which you will probably never see) I noticed that I sounded a little bit entitled; and that isn’t who I am, but somehow the idea of starting a new job brought that out within me. I think there was a bit of resentment that I had felt; which one of my managers did tell me about at interview, but I think I’ve been able to move past it now.
At the end of the day, I am a really junior person and I can’t possibly know everything from day one, and I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions in terms of how I felt about the job before I’d even done it. Work isn’t always something that people like and sometimes it takes a while for the job, or for you, to evolve into a position where it’s a perfect match. Realistically, not everyone grows up thinking:
“I’m going to be an office assistant!”
There are some people who want to do that and that is totally fine. The job is probably best suited to them, but I have to adapt to fit into this role because I’ve not had experience with this area of life before. I am not someone who is incredibly social, so it’s a challenge in that sense. I feel like I’m desperately trying to fit into this new group of people who are already friends.
I’ve decided to take things one step at a time, and I think that’s a good approach because it’s actually working. I definitely feel a lot better about my situation now and I’m appreciative that I’ve been given this opportunity. This is definitely the work of my reflective method in action. Looking back at what I felt like at the start of this chapter has definitely given me a bit more perspective on how much I’ve grown, even in such a short amount of time.
I’m thankful that I’ve taken the time to go over this experience, and even though it’s taken so long for me to post something on my end, I’m happy that I finally have! I feel like I’m closer to being in a good position than I was a couple months back when I uploaded “At My Wit’s End”, in which you could tell I was pretty frustrated with my situation.
I’m also happy that I finally get to say that I’m a bit happier now, even though I’m still not sure about myself and where my future will lead. I think I’m getting better at accepting situations for what they are and turning them around to suit me. The struggle will still be there, whether that’s within my finances or within my own emotions, but I’m an apprentice now! I actually have a description for who I am other than a job-seeker or someone who “just” graduated. I have a firm, true position in the world that I can tell other people of, and that makes me feel great.
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