You heard it here first! Ade is employed!
I know I have a long way to go, but I feel good about this. That’s probably why I’m so nervous about the prospect of being employed. I feel as if I have to prove myself, even though that’s what the interview was for.
This is a clear example of imposter syndrome because, despite my own opinion of myself, other people see talent within me. But this wasn’t the message I was receiving through all the months of job searching I had to endure, especially with the lack of feedback I was receiving.
Due to the sheer amount of rejection I have received and the feelings of being unwanted and disliked, I had started to tell myself that I was not worthy of getting a job. I was wondering what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t getting anywhere, no matter how hard I tried.
I understand that people don’t always like each other, and the place where that is clearly the reality is the world of recruitment. You have to like someone’s skills, personality and the way they present themselves in order to let them join your team. It just seemed like an endless stream of bad luck for so long, I’m now stuck in that mentality.
I’m trying my best to prepare for the world of work, but my imagination is running wild. My mind conjures up so many different scenarios, it’s crazy. I should have some idea of what to expect from the role, but I shouldn’t let my imagination get the better of me because I truly don’t know what will happen.
I recently came up with the portmanteau “fright-cited”, which combines the words frightened and excited, aptly describing my feelings towards this new opportunity. I just don’t want to disappoint anyone on my first day. I know I’m self-inducing panic, but I just don’t want to let anyone down. I truly don’t want to make a mess of this. This is the first time I get to be an “adult”, to take control of my career and establish myself in a new organisation.
I’ve only ever been in full-time education and have not been in this position before where I’ve been searching for a job for a long time. This is the longest time that I have been out of anything really, so it was scary enough as it was. Now I have to get back into a routine, make new connections and do a good job.
I think most people want to do a good job at the first position they have after university or after school, so I’m not alone in that sentiment. But I think I need to take a moment to realise that I made it here and I wouldn’t have gotten this far if the company didn’t believe in my talents. All I have to do is be myself and everything should work out.
My work coach told me that if I can’t trust myself to be the best at my job that I should trust him because he believes in me. I want to get to a point where I can believe in myself regardless because this mentality is not a healthy one. I know that I’m not useless because I can do so many things just like other people can, but my heart is plagued with self-doubt and the belief that I’m not good enough.
I vow to myself that I will get over this and have more confidence in myself and my abilities, no matter how long it takes.
I think that my efforts towards job searching were probably misplaced and that’s why I was having such little luck getting anywhere. There were a few hits but a hell of a lot of misses. For now, that doesn’t matter because I finally got a position, but there are probably quite a few lessons I can learn from this experience of looking for work. At least now I have the time to reflect on that, and I have the chance to build myself within an organisation instead of on my own with the limited resources I did have.
And I’ll finally be able to eat without wondering if I have to choose between food and toilet roll. Thank goodness for that! And maybe I’ll be able to pay back the kindness and generosity that I’ve received from everyone around me. I’ve already sent a bunch of thank-you emails.
To quote High School Musical:
“This could be the start of something new”
I.e. a new chapter in my life post-university. I want to be ready for the challenges and obstacles that I will come across, but all I can do for now is take it one day at a time.
The structure of my posts will definitely change from here on out, as they will no longer be focused on job searching, but on adjusting to working life and what my experiences are at this point in my career.
Thank you for joining me on this journey and I hope you enjoy what’s to come.
If you liked this post feel free to like, comment, sign-up to my mailing list, share this post… all that crap and I hope that you have a wonderful day. Stay thirsty!
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