Shut Up and Just Do It: The Fear of Being Creative

Sometimes you have to just throw caution to the wind and give something a go!

Throwback (21/08/21)

I mentioned in my anniversary video last month that I was going to start giving things a go, so I can continue to move forward – but now I feel stuck again.

We all knew this was coming – another post about how Ade can’t seem to bring themselves to do something that could make them happy but they refuse to make a change because it’s too scary.

Current me is really side-eyeing the version of me in that video. There was way more confidence and an assuredness that doesn’t even seem to be a realistic state for myself to exist in.

I’m jealous of myself? That’s a new one.

Solution

But maybe there is a way to feel confident, cast out doubt and start moving once again. What is it though?

Should I throw myself back into editing the video for SimpleThimbles that I filmed in late June? Maybe I should start streaming on Twitch once a week, no matter what? Or should I pick a video idea for YouTube or TikTok and just see it through to the end and not just quit?

I think the answer is do every single thing I mentioned above, preferably not at the same time, though.

All I have to do is take it one step at a time and stop thinking about expectations and outcomes that are outrageous and not likely to happen. I am not only overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I feel like I have to do, but also by the outcomes of every choice I make.

Consequences

I feel as though doing something I want to do now, may negatively affect me in the future. I’m scared of applying for a role in the future and being turned down because a YouTube video I made didn’t align with the company’s values. This video could be completely harmless, but it just may not sit right with these potential employers.

On the other hand, the videos I make could be the key to my next job. I could be blocking my blessings and being complicit in my own misery and downfall. How poetic is that – I’m my own worst enemy.

I’m afraid of the consequences on either side, but a wise person and good friend of mine once said to me that’s it’s OK to feel the fear, but I should actually go ahead and do it anyway. It’s adapted from the famous quote “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, but the point still stands.

Steps

I should be fearful – making a change is going against the relative comfort of what my reality currently is. But I should take a chance to do something, because instead of a library of content true to my essence as a person and representative of my passions and interests, I’ll only be left with a very long list of regrets.

So I’m going to go to bed, and wake up tomorrow with a new attitude – an attitude of “fear it, but do it”. Even if it’s hard, scary, time-consuming, or requires a bit of extra learning – I should do it anyway.

I must also remember that things can only be done one at a time. I can achieve greatness in one day, but it depends on the frame of reference. In the future, all those little wins could culminate into a life that I would be proud and thankful to my past self for allowing me to have.

And all it takes is one small step.

Outcome (31/08/21)

The next day (22/08/21), I gave streaming another go and… it invigorated me! Like, any sense of fatigue that I have felt over the past few months left my body from just a couple hours of live gameplay! Maybe it was because I could finally say I ticked something off my to-do list. This phenomenon is only rare because that “stuck” feeling happens more often nowadays.

I also had the support of another good friend of mine who offered to moderate for me – which gave me even more of a confidence boost. I made a promise to stream again within a week, to try and stick to a schedule and keep feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Unfortunately, I’m very accident-prone and proceeded to slip down the stairs a couple of days after this promise was declared. Nothing major happened, but my GP told me to avoid sitting down for a few days to take pressure off my bruised tailbone while it heals.

Obviously sitting at my desk to stream gameplay was out of the question, but maybe that was just a silly excuse I fabricated? I feel guilty, not only because I broke my promise to whoever was watching the stream, but because that promise was also to myself. I want to keep my dreams alive, but it feels like I had the plug pulled just because my socks hate keeping me upright.

Soon I will return to Twitch, but in the meantime, I will upload VODs from previous streams here.

Wait – streaming AND uploading YouTube videos?

Two birds with one stone.

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